Staying awake

 

How do we live this one life well?

When others seem happy.
Successful.  Beautiful even.
Community full.

And the posted pictures.
Proving our lack.

And so.

We deny. 
Get busy.  
Distract.

To feel good. 

Tripping all over ourselves. 
And others.
Demanding attention.
In a thousand little ways.

Or withdrawing into our own world.
The ache chewing us up inside.

And when the evening shadows fall.
Losing the battle.

Darkness creeping in on cat feet.
Capturing our heart.  Our soul.
And we despair.

And online.  The other day.

Celebrities. 

Faces scarred and marred.
Through expensive surgery.
Beauty now forever gone.
What were they thinking?
We laugh; it's that incredible.
To see it in others.

So young and so beautiful.  Successful.
Throwing it all away.
In the insecurity and the never-enough.
This frantic search.

But it is also very sad.
And I grieve.

Because I see it in myself.

Not for surgery.
But that longing deep.
The incessant wishing for more. 
To satisfy.

But instead of God.

Filling to the full.
With empty.

So much in this life.
Breaking us. 
Making us sad.
Scared even.

And so often.
The only glimmer of hope
we see through the cracks
in the sidewalk of our lives
is our feeble attempt.
For happy. 

Chasing it.  Running hard.

And ultimately.
Bringing despair.

Even the story of Louie Zamperini.
Filling the news cycle.
His life; in print a page-turner.
Brilliant and fearless and unbroken.
Shockingly difficult life experiences.
Survival unparalleled. 
Victory. It would seem. 
To endure and live strong.

But in the end.
Haunted by what he could not control.
Could not grasp. 
Even Louie.

The chase.  For elusive happy.
Wringing us out and tossing us aside.
Every time.

There is better.

What Louie ultimately found.

Darkness running away.
Through surrender. 
Being broken after all.
The not-enough bending the knee.

To worship.

Filling to the full. 
With God.

Then.
Staying awake.
To His glory surrounding.
Every day.

That's how.
He lived his one life well.

Staying awake.