That's all

I push "publish" and cringe.

Funny, though. I push the pen and I'm thrilled.  To express my heart. 
And my words empty my soul and fill the page until I can breathe again.  Writing my fears, my thoughts, my prayers - to God.  A very personal penning.  For years.

But then the blog.  A new world opening; shimmering with the joy of finding others feeling just as I do.  In their brokenness, in their fears and in their quest to find God in their lives.  And I am thrilled again.  By their story.

And I can't help myself.  I join the throng.  Having been to New Jersey at Christmas on a mission trip; the inspiration.  Taking pictures.  Writing about the stories there.  After Hurricane Sandy.

And now.  Barely able to get anything else done.  This passion to read.  To write. 

But mostly, this insatiable quest in a bruised heart.  To find more of God. 

Because in the telling of stories; the messy, the raw, the embarrassing even.   We begin to heal.  Our messy spilling out on a page.  Just to know we're not alone. 

And we need each other.

And so, a blog.  Often misunderstood and overlooked by some.

But for others.  A place to heal.  Finding God shining through the cracks of our brokenness.  Helping us in the struggle to keep our eyes on Him.  In telling our story.

God entering that space.  And it becoming a sanctuary.

I love Ann.  And I wonder why I even try.  She does it so well. 

But she encourages.  She needs our stories.  We need hers.  And in seeing her so vulnerable and how it has helped me heal,  I am also vulnerable.  It humbles me.  And reminds me that I, like everyone else, struggle.  And life hits hard. 

Sometimes we cover it up so well.

So, here, on these pages.  Just a telling.  A story.  Of a girl and a life.
And a God who does not disappoint.  In the daily, the hurts, the messy of life.
He shows up. 

And messy pointing us to God; His grace and truth.  Holy ground.

And so I push "publish" and cringe.   
Praying God will use my messy to bless.
That's all. 
That would be really good.